no more human being. i feel disconnected. the separation has grown, to me, falling away and forgetting myself. auto-pilot. no thoughts. empty minded. shallow explanations of the deepest things. i can’t explain enough…
answer the telephone. service these people. counting money. shower. obey traffic laws. sleep. eat.
basic functions become unobserved again and carelessness persists. inaction. i don’t know what to do. furious writing trying to figure this shit out, finally?
never remember the dreams anymore. what does it feel like? i miss having memories and losing friends. i miss when everything felt new and looking out the pale windows on other people enjoying themselves.
i used to enjoy things. there is only the sound i search for now and a companion for the journey. even that strays from me in daydream laziness of perfect.