jazzmap&ganzercaudal

no more human being. i feel disconnected. the separation has grown, to me, falling away and forgetting myself. auto-pilot. no thoughts. empty minded. shallow explanations of the deepest things. i can’t explain enough…

answer the telephone. service these people. counting money. shower. obey traffic laws. sleep. eat.

basic functions become unobserved again and carelessness persists. inaction. i don’t know what to do. furious writing trying to figure this shit out, finally?

never remember the dreams anymore. what does it feel like? i miss having memories and losing friends. i miss when everything felt new and looking out the pale windows on other people enjoying themselves.

i used to enjoy things. there is only the sound i search for now and a companion for the journey. even that strays from me in daydream laziness of perfect.

you’ve got the honey colored hills of kansas in your hair and the white side of the sun in your eyes. 

rolling down the rain swept road that crawls under the shade of clouding skies and lightning on the black background that is too far for my vision to assume.

like finding your daughter on the side of the summer highway, bullet in the head, blood dripping from the smashed glass windows in mexico.

we’re free when we choose to be, our souls only know boundaries in the body.

spent all my hours of labor watching a brick wall behind windows made for crickets escaping the heat through the door that never closes on command.